Seven Years Later

Our broken lives are not lost or useless. God's love is still working. He comes in and takes the calamity and uses it victoriously, working out his wonderful plan of love. -- Eric Liddell

Today is a significant day in our life. Not to say every day isn't important, they are. But today seems really special to me.  In the Scriptures the number 7 signifies completion.  7 1/2 years ago, January 2004 I started a new journal that Mark gave me as a Christmas present. Part of the first entry reads like this:
It's been a contemplative year of change. (We became "empty-nesters".) New Years's Eve was spent at the Expo Center in Spirit Lake with many friends and all 3 of our kids. Our entire family worshipped publicly. Seth and Amber standing right next to Mark and Mark Hoftyzer taking photos. It brought tears to my eyes. After briefly reviewing some mental struggles over our perception of what was expected of Mark at work. I go on to say this. I believe I need to grow my faith by depending on God to take care of my family (Mark in particular). I'm always striving to come up with a plan to make life "better" - more peaceful - less frustration. I'm realizing I was trying too hard, too much. I need to trust God.  I have choosen the following prayer as a "theme" prayer for my family for 2004.  The following prayer was adapted from one of the Prayers That Avail Much  books by Word Ministries, Inc. These prayers are all based on Scripture.
Thank you that before we were even born You knew us & had a plan for our lives. You have placed Your anointing upon our lives. I'm asking You to burn Your call into our hearts. Let it be a fire shut up in our bones so we cannot hold it in.  I pray a hedge of protection over my family so that no man, woman, or enemy will squelch what You have in store for us. You are equipping us with all things that pertain to life and godliness so that we have an abundance for every good deed. Confirm Your call on our lives by Your Holy Spirit and make our paths like the first gleam of dawn shining ever brighter as we follow our callings. Let multitudes of lives be touched by Your anointing which is flowing through us. When we enter Your kingdom You will say, "well done good and faithful servant." 
January 13, 2004 I write, As I read this (my journal) I feel confirmation that it is true. I'd have to admit I work to fix everything. God help me to trust. Help me to learn Your word and trust You to handle my family...

Little did I know that a month later we would receive a phone call from our brother-in-law telling us that our sister had tried to kill herself. He called asking what to do. They have 5 children. That began years of our extended family walking an unknown path of learning to trust and heal. I couldn't fix this. 

Then 4 months later our son-in-law (age 21) began seeing double which led us down a path of discovering Thymic Carcinoid Carcinoma, an incurable cancer. I couldn't fix this.

 And within a month of the diagnosis my beloved husband crashed, physically, mentally and emotionally. I couldn't fix this either. Over the course of 2004 everything in our life changed, except God.

By September 16th, 2004  (seven years ago today) my sister-in-law was struggling with depression and an unhealthy marriage but she was dealing with it. Our son-in-law was finding as much medical help as was offered and moving to the Twin Cities for a new job he thought he could do longer "if he got really sick".  And Mark, my husband had survived a month of being completely incapacitated, recognized his need for help and was willing to receive it. We were packing our bags and on September 17th left for Marble Retreat in Marble, Colorado. An intensive counseling time for couples in ministry. (Finding that place and getting to go is a God-story all of it's own)

Fast forward to today, 7 years later. I'm helping Mark pack again. This time it's for a return trip to the place we lived at the time of "the crash".  7 years to the day later of a tangible step of faith towards healing Mark will be ministering to men in a way he did not do prior to the crash. He will be completely transparent with them. How or Why? Because God has taught him that keeping secrets makes you sick and hurts all those around you.

What about me? I could never have imagined how God was going to teach me to really trust Him with my family. It was a painful, scary at times journey. It has been simple, trust God. But I didn't say it's been easy. It has not. We are all much healthier now. I "fix" less and "trust" more. I don't do it perfectly nor will I till I meet Jesus face to face. I live enjoying the moments more and I'm learning that's a great way to live! I'm here 7 years later to testify to God's faithfulness in loving and protecting my family through some pretty tough times.  This week I begin leading a Bible Study called "When I Lay My Issac Down" by Carol Kent. It's all about trusting God through "unthinkable circumstances." I couldn't have done this 7 years ago.
I'm also here declaring this particular season of brokeness and healing COMPLETE.  How good is our God who seven years later will call us to share our life with others so that Lord willing they can learn from God's word and our experiences. Will you join me in praising God for all that He has done and pray that the men Mark will be sharing with will receive whatever God has for them?

Last night I went to a meeting with some of my fellow nurses. The topic was Fibromyalgia and the presenter (a doctor) was sponsored by a pharmaceutical company. I was very impressed.  There was actually surprisingly little talk of their drug and lots of talk regarding the care of the patient.  It was great!
The doctor used a fictious example of a patient, Mrs. C. and from start to finish she discussed all the different aspects of Mrs. C's life that are effected when Mrs. C was discovered to have Fibromyalgia. This malady can cause aching/pain all over your body, fatigue, and the blues just to name a few of the more prominent symptoms. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out how that could effect your everyday life. What a drain, a constant drain to be exact.  The impressive part was not only did this doctor acknowledge how this disease could effect more than just the patient's physical feelings, it could effect her relationships, mental status and ability to participate in life. She very clearly stated and backed up with research that we as caregivers need to acknowledge and help with  the whole person.  Medical science proves that we are multi-faceted beings and all of our "parts" are intertwined.
So this Wellness Wednesday I'd just like you to think about the area of your life that you are most concerned with. The most common concern I hear is weight and anxiety/stress. Whatever your concern is, name it.  Then take a few minutes to sit down and think. Is this area of concern effecting your everyday life? Be honest. Ask yourself questions.  Did you not go for a walk with your neighbor or co-worker because you were afraid you couldn't keep up? Did you ever go swimming this summer or were you afraid to be seen in your swimsuit? Do you ever do anything in the evenings or do you just sleep in front of the TV until you go to bed because you just don't have the energy? How do your answers to these questions effect your family?
If you have just identified the fact that some area of your life is adversely effecting your daily "living" then you just taken a step towards health. Here's the next step, realize there are many layers in getting stronger. Pick one layer to start with.  People with Fibromyalgia often struggle with sleeping. If they can consistently get more restful sleep then they can deal with the other aspects of life better. What aspect would you like to start with?  If you need help, ask for it. If you are not sure where to start or who to ask, ask your friends via this blog. We'd love to help plus your being honest might encourage someone else.

It's the Little Things

Have you ever thought about how you got to where you are?  As I was running yesterday it occurred to me that 1 1/2 - 2 years ago I would not have believed you if you told me that running would be a part of my regular exercise routine.  I've always loved to walk as I love being outdoors. I love seeing the colors in nature, hearing the sounds and watching people.  Then one day I noticed that the numbers on the scale were creeping upwards. I realized if I didn't do something they would just keep going that way. (little thing #1)Shortly thereafter one of my great sister-in-laws whom I admire for her great sense of discipline gave me a sack of her cast-off clothes. (Huge benefit to having sisters is getting hand-me-downs. I didn't have sisters growing up so I love this!)  So as I eagerly went through the sack I found multiple pair of running shorts. Great, as my exercise wardrobe was pretty slim seeing as how I didn't use it regularly. (little thing #2)  Meanwhile my friend and accountability partner says you need to start small, try walking at least 3 times weekly. Did you catch the accountability part? We meet nearly weekly - she will ask me about this. (little thing #4) So I walk. Sometimes I listen to music on a MP3 player I inherited from my daughter and son-in-law. I hear music I've never heard before. Fun! So I anticipate enjoying the music. (little thing #5) My friend/accountability partner steps up her personal wellness disciplines and shares her learning with me. (little thing #6) My husband decides he is going to lose that last 10-15 pounds that he's wanted to take off for years. So he starts limiting his evening snacking and riding his bike even more. Encouragement. (little thing #7)  One day on a slight downhill slope with a great upbeat song playing I can't help myself. I just pick up the pace to a "trot". Wow, that was kind of rewarding even though I didn't do it long. So I try it again using landmarks to see how far I can trot. And so a little competition with myself begins to see if I can trot further today than yesterday. Competitiveness? This is a new thing for me in regard to exercise. (little thing #8)  I begin to walk/run (so I called it "rocking") consistently.  After a very few months of this my husband rewards me with a new pair of "running" shoes. (little thing #9) I measure the distance I'm going and start keeping time. Again competition with myself. (little thing #10)  Yesterday I nearly ran the whole distance, 2.2 miles. There were very few and they were short walking breaks. As I did this I thought to myself I am "running."  It's a slow pace in comparison to those who do it for competition but it is my pace and it meets the definition of: run |rən|
verb ( running ; past ran |ran|; past part. run )
1 [ intrans. ] move at a speed faster than a walk, never having both or all the feet on the ground at the same time
A change in mindset for me. (little thing #11)I can say"run" for exercise.

But did you see how I got there? It was a series of little steps. Small thoughts, actions by others and actions by myself.  I didn't wake up one morning and start running 2 miles. It took time.

My current personal life verses are from Ephesians 3:14-21 and Philippians 3:14. The last one is the one I'm thinking about this weekend. The Amplified Version of the Bible says it this way, "(For my determined purpose is) that I may know Him (that I may progressively become more deeply and intimately acquainted with Him. perceiving and recognizing and understanding the wonders of His person more strongly and more clearly) and that I may in that same way come to know the power outflowing from His resurrection (which it exerts over believers). and that I may so share His sufferings as to be continually transformed (in spirit into His likeness even) to His death." emphasis mine.  Did you see those words? "progressively" then "perceiving and recognizing and understanding".  Those words indicate progression.  With the goal of knowing God it takes time and is a progression.  You gain perceptions of who He is as you spend time with Him. Then after some time the perceptions change into recognition of the truth of who He is and as He allows you begin to understand in the depth of your being pieces of who He is.

Be encouraged my friends. Getting to know Christ is a process. Enjoy the journey!  What little things have effected your life? Stop for a few minutes and think about it. Thank God for "little things"!

Changing It Up - From the Outside or Inside?

I'm reading a book (well actually I'm reading several books) that uses the term "consumerism culture".  I've thought about our desire to have more, be more, look a certain way at times. I've had a few discussions but then easily move on and just keep shopping, moving piles of belongings and occasionally sorting things our to sell or share with others.  This book is actually making me think about how consumerism effects us beyond our piles of stuff.  Today I read this "Through the influence of our consumer culture we've come to believe that transformation is attained through external experiences." (Skye Jethani, The Divine Commodity)   That made me think about "changing it up" as I talked about yesterday.  I talked about my knowing that if I keep "doing" the same things the same way I will get the same result.  Each time I start over on something I think this time I'll...but if my thoughts never settle into a commitment, a resolution it just won't happen.  I want the ache in my neck to go away so I go to a chiropractor. He does an adjustment and I want it to be gone, no exercises or applying heat/ice etc, just gone. (and immediate relief would be great, thank you very much)  However, the truth is the only way to get lasting relief is to participate in my own care. I need to stretch my muscles, then strengthen them so that they won't allow my spine to get out of alignment as easily.

The same is true in our spiritual life.  In this day and age there is information at every turn. We want to listen and read what others say about God to fill our own spirits.  We go to church and want to experience some encouragement.  Now don't get me wrong these things are good things and should be a part of our life.  But that's it, they should just be a part of our life.  If I am dependent on my Sunday Morning (or whenever) church time for my main source of nourishment I'm going to be weak before the next Sunday rolls around. When we are weak and tired we make poor decisions and often become sick. But, if I go to church as just one part of my nourishment, say a protein drink, my daily meals will keep me going and Sunday church will give me a boost!  An added benefit too is that we won't be so needy and critical of the church service itself. If it is just supplement to our diet a taste we don't like one week won't send us looking for another place to worship. We will be full enough to sustain until the next time when the flavor might be different.

Consumerism culture, wanting something out of everything.  How has it effected your life?

Wellness Wednesday - Maybe It's Time to "Change It Up"

I felt tired all day yesterday. It might have to do with working outside the whole day before helping our parents with some projects. Then I filled in for someone at work yesterday so there is an extra day of my "day job." Any way you look at it I was tired when I got home from work. I remember thinking on the way home, if Mark didn't go for his bike ride I'll just make us some spaghetti for supper,  read for awhile and go to bed early. But as that garage door went up I could see his bike was gone. No excuses. I had a decision to make, go for my run or curl up in a chair and read a book.  I knew if I sat down I'd never get up again and it was gorgeous outside. I love being outside each day. I had worked INside all day....okay, okay. I changed my clothes and went for my run.  I started out thinking I feel some sore muscles from crawling around transplanting plants yesterday.  I'll walk quickly but if I don't run today that will be okay. Maybe I won't do the whole 2.2 miles - even though it's time to add some more distance, maybe I'll just do 1.2 miles. As I rounded the corner where the "warm up walking" usually stops and the "running" (barely faster than a walk) begins my feet just moved.  Mark and I had just talked about this the day before. Running was NOT something I did as a kid. I tried track for about 1 week as a 7th grader. It was obvious this was NOT my sport. I wasn't fast. I wasn't competitive. I didn't care.  However over the past couple of years I have continued to struggle with fatigue, some weight gain and some very minor health issues.  When I look at the symptoms logically and with my "nurse brain" I can see that much of it relates to poor eating habits and poor exercise habits. I've got reasons and excuses for each of these things. If you want to hear them let me know and I'll easily recite them to you. But I don't think you really want to hear my excuses. That's all they are, poor attempts to make myself feel better about NOT doing something I should be doing.   It's time for a change.

I could start for the umpteenth time a certain program or promise to do this or that. But I realized that if I start again something I've done before with little or no success and expect to succeed, that's just crazy. I've heard that's the definition of insanity. I can believe it. So July 9th I started fresh.  I had been sporadically walking/running for some time. I decided to try to run at least 4 times weekly and to keep track of my time. I was just curious how fast I really did walk.  Along with that for the first time ever I decided to cut all sweet treats out of my diet for 3 weeks. My plan was to get the sweet tooth cleaned out a bit.  I was a bit short on the number of times running in those 3 weeks but I was faithful on the sweet treats and I did much better drinking enough water daily.  I lost the first 5 of 15 pounds I'd like to lose. The best thing is my attitude is MUCH improved. I've proven to myself  that I can make healthy choices consistently.  I allowed myself to eat some treats again but now I'm at a plateau. I, again, have choices to make. This time however, I know I can do it.

As I was running last night I thought about all of this and realized that there are many things in life that we sometimes have to choose to "change it up". We can't always do the same things the same way and get different results.  I have a friend who is a bit older than me, single and about a year ago lost her best friend/companion.  She is lonely, single and lives in a small to medium sized midwestern town. If she keeps all of her old habits, going to the same places at the same times she may never meet someone new to do things with. BUT, if she would sit in a new place at church, swim at a different time at the pool or take a class at the community college she just might meet a new friend.

Is there an area in your life where it's time to "change it up?" I'd love to hear about it!

One Good Thing

It's Monday, a holiday Monday which means many of us have the day off.  We're planning to spend the day helping our parents with a couple of "fix-it" projects around their homes.  At this stage of life spending time with our parents is a great reminder of what marriage and love really is.


So many days I catch myself being critical or just having a selfish attitude as I go through my day at home. When my husband asks me to help him by bringing him something I think about how it is an interruption in whatever I'm doing. Or I catch myself thinking why can't he__________ (fill in the blank with your favorite (or should I say least favorite) task)?

Marriage isn't about who does what. It's about your relationship. Sure in your relationship you each have things you may be responsible for but the motivation is your love, your relationship. If it's not, it's time for an attitude adjustment.  This month I've joined a group of women on-line. We are choosing to honor our husbands by telling them one something we appreciate about them everyday. Look for it. Recognize it. Thank God for it.  Guys, this doesn't need to exclude you. You can do the same thing for your wife.  It's amazing what being purposeful about this can do for your attitude!

I think about this today because I know that the daily-ness of parents caring for each other as they age is more often than not, not fun. We are so honored to have parents who truly love one another.  Our fathers both care for our mothers with such respect. It's a great example to us.

So do you want to join the challenge?  You will be alot more committed to it if you tell someone you are doing it. Why don't you tell me?  Leave a comment letting me know you've joined us on the month of September "at least one good thing" a day challenge.

September 2, I can hardly believe it. Where did summer go? But it is another change of season, a time of fresh starts.  Some of us are resistant to change.  I received our women's ministry newsletter yesterday and my friend, Emily summed it all up. She graciously said I could share it with you. I will say, Emily is the real deal. She is a woman after God's own heart but she is very honest about the ups, downs and arounds in the daily living it out. We've had the privilege of walking with them since the beginning of this new adventure in the their life. We've seen their hearts.

Change. Just the word alone makes me cringe. I often think of change as the opposite of security. Security is what is familiar to me. Security is 

predictability. It is routine. It is comfort. It is control. I guess when it comes down to it, security to me is the absence of change. The problem is, change is inevitable.

Change is always marked by the end of one thing and the beginning of something new. This time of year generates a lot of change for most people. It's the end of vacation time and the beginning of schedules, school, and new projects. It's the end of swimming suits and tank tops, and the beginning of jackets and jeans. It's the end of iced tea and lemonade and the beginning of cappuccinos and hot chocolates. The end of flip-flops and the beginning of Uggs. The end of sprinklers and lawn mowers, and the beginning of rakes and shovels. The end of the air conditioning, and the beginning of warm fireplaces and space-heaters. Some changes we dread and some we look forward to.

Throughout the past year, my mind has been consumed with a very big change that will be happening to my family just a few short weeks from now. One chapter is ending, and a new one is beginning. We are pulling up the roots that have grown deep into the soil of familiarity here in Des Moines, Iowa and replanting them in the soil of unfamiliarity, unpredictability, and discomfort in Nairobi, Kenya. When the Lord first started nudging our hearts to be missionaries in Africa, the fear of change overwhelmed me. Even now, so close to our departure date, I still have plenty of days when fear threatens to overpower me.

As we are preparing for Africa, I've been thinking a lot about my personal attitude towards change and how the LORD might be challenging me to see it from His eternal perspective. Watching beloved pieces of furniture and other meaningful objects be hauled out of our home, sent off to Goodwill or sold on the driveway, I've had to make a decision every day...sometimes every minute: What am I going to put my hope and trust in? Familiarity? Comfort? Routine? Predictability? Or will my hope be in the Unchangeable, Unshakeable, Loving, All-powerful, Sovereign God?

I've found that my fear of change is most overwhelming when I start thinking too much about me. If I base my attitude solely on my own abilities or inabilities to cope with change, I should be afraid! I know I can't do it. If I spend too much time thinking about how unqualified I am and how hard this change is going to be, my fears would paralyze me. And if I forget about the power that is in me through Christ and His limitless abilities to help me, protect me and guide me though all the unknowns, I would not cooperate with this change at all. I'd fight it, and desperately try to cling to my "content", routine, predictable life and miss a whole lot of great things that God could teach me when I am outside of my comfort zone.

But God says, "Forget the former things! Do not dwell on the past! See, I am doing a new thing!" (Isaiah 43:18-19) The question for all of us is this: Will we embrace His new beginning for our lives, or will we run from it?

It's when we're outside our comfort zones, living beyond ourselves, and trusting Him with each new step of the way that we can quit focusing on our own weaknesses and begin living in His strength and power. To know Him like that.....now that's my kind of new beginning!

Emily and PJ Holmertz along with their two children begin the adventure of a lifetime as they head to Africa at the end of this month.  You can follow them on their blog.http://holmertzadventures.aimsites.org/