Wellness Wednesday - Continuing a Focus Theme

I seem to have a theme going in my life right now. Focus. Focus on what matters and our health matters. I have chosen to focus on eating 5-6 times daily in small amounts with protein more purposefully included and sugar/white flour type stuff cut way back.  With that I am purposefully making sure to exercise at least 3-4 times weekly and most weeks am getting 4-5 times. This is mostly aerobic exercise. When I feel like this is really implanted in my way of life I know I need to add/exchange some exercise time with core strength training but that will come. I cannot do it all at once and I'm more interested in getting and staying healthy for a life time than marking something off my list. 

Focusing means making choices and not being able to do everything. Our culture encourages that we try and do anything and everything we want to. For the most part it also says, "do it now!"  I've found that when I cram too many things in my life I don't really get to enjoy them - I just get to do them. One simplifying blog post I read was talking about "stuff" in your home and asked if you don't have to have it to survive and you don't love it, why do you have it?  I thought that question could apply to a lot of things in our life.  Why don't you ask yourself that question once a day about something for the next week? I'm challenging you. Share your stories. What are you discovering that you are doing and/or keeping in your life that you really don't need or love? Why? Is it just because everyone else has it? Are you worried what the neighbors might think if they see you wearing the same outfit each week? What is your story?

Simplifying or focusing takes some stress out of your life and stress is the number one killer of our lives. I'm choosing to focus.

Marriage is a Good Thing

As I launched into another day I read a discouraging statistic. According to a recent Pew Study www.pewsocialtrends.org  anywhere from 32-44% of our population believe marriage is becoming obsolete. That just makes me sad. Why? While I am fully aware of other statistics like since 1960 the number of cohabitating couples has increased fifteen-fold in the United States. www.virginia.edu/marriageproject/(December 2010) I do not believe we need to just sit around and say that is just the way it is in our nation.  I’m not here to judge where, exactly when, or why we are where we are. I do not believe being single is a bad thing. I am here to say that if you choose to have a relationship I can testify that life-long marriage is a good thing. Yes, I am a Christian and my values are based on the Bible as I believe it is the Word of God. But don’t let that stop you from reading what I have observed and experienced.

I am a stronger, more well-rounded person because I am married. My husband and I do not think alike on all fronts. We have different styles of doing things. He appreciates things that I really have very little interest in. Because I married him and have stayed with him for over 30 years now I have traveled places, met people, and been exposed to businesses that I would not have if I had stayed single. I have learned to share space and possessions which has helped me share with those less fortunate than me over the years. I have learned to laugh at spontaneous songs and take care of myself by exercising because of his example. I have had someone to share my love of our children as well as other children with over the years. He has encouraged me to be open to new experiences. I can be quoted as saying because I married Mark I have experienced “higher highs and lower lows than I ever would have had I remained single.”  It is a true statement I’m sure as I was raised in a very reserved emotional environment but that has not been true of our home. We laugh hard, cry hard, get excited about lots of things and get angry over injustice. We are very verbal!

My co-workers are predominately female and 50% are single. All but one of these single women have children. None of them have been married. All of them are great people. I enjoy them. They are intelligent, kind, and hard working. I have nothing negative to say of them. I just feel bad for them. They are always trying to figure out how to have a “social life” and how to make sure they have money for the next bill. They don’t have a consistent person to talk things over with, help them make decisions, support them in their quest to better themselves, or suggest new things to try. In fact a couple of them are struggling with their self-esteem due to the lack of respect their ex-partner showed them.

I believe marriage is a relationship to help us mature, building character. It helps us not stay stuck in who we think we are but forces us into exploring new ways of thinking and situations. The end result is we are better educated and less selfish. We make the world around us better. I could give you all of the Biblical reasons I believe in marriage and there are many, but for today I just want to concentrate on my observations from life and facts others have gathered. As I said I do not believe everyone has to get married. However, if you do marry, I believe staying married is better than divorce with a few exceptions. I say that as a daughter of a divorced mother who remarried, the sister of a twice divorced sibling and one of my best friends has been married 3 times. I am well acquainted with divorce and genuinely love many divorced people.

I’ll finish with a few statistics, non-emotional facts.
Over 25% of divorced women end up in poverty following their divorce. The average cost for a divorce is $30,000.00
Increased taxpayer expenditures associated with divorce and unwed childbearing include anti-poverty, criminal justice programs, costs for welfare subsidies, additional child support collection costs, foster care and child protection services, health insurance costs and education programs.
Parental divorce increases the odds that adult children will also divorce.
Both men and women who are married enjoy better health on average than do single, cohabitating, or divorced individuals. (My personal opinion is that is tied directly to stress levels.)
Cohabitating before marriage does not increase your chance of staying together, in fact you are more likely to get a divorce.
80-90% of married couples who stay together do so because they have fun together. So if you are married, enjoy it!

Being and staying married isn’t always easy but it is simple. You have to make a choice to be married for life. In my experience it has enriched my life greatly. What do you think? Let’s talk.

What are You Asking for?

I'm reading a book by an acquaintance of mine, Skye Jethani.  In it he tells a story of he and his father walking down the streets of New Delhi with a skinny,young, handicapped boy with "huge calluses on his knees" from waddling on them staying just ahead of them in their line of sight. He was dressed only in "tattered blue shorts." He was shouting "one rupee, please! One rupee!" Skye says that he and his father kept walking ignoring the boys shouts but finally his father realized the boy wasn't going to give up so he stopped. He looked the boy in the eye and asked him, "what do you want?" "One rupee, sir," the boy answered while bowing his head. Skye's father replied "How about I give you five rupees?" Do you know what the boys response was? Not one of immediate joy and thanksgiving. Instead he became immediately defiant. "He retracted his hand and sneered at us. He thought my father was joking, having a laugh at his expense. After all, no one would willingly give five rupees." The boy actually started to leave! Skye's father reached into his pocket and rattled his coins. When the boy heard the coins he stopped and looked back. He approached the boy, gave him the coin and then Skye and his father proceeded on their way. A moment later the shouting started again. This time the boy was yelling, "Thank you! Thank you,sir! Bless you!  Then Skye wraps up this story with these stunning words; "This, I imagine, is how our God sees us - as miserable creatures in desperate need of his help. But rather than asking for what we truly need, rather than desiring what he is able and willing to give, we settle for lesser things. And when God graciously says "no" to our misled desires and instead offers us more, we reject him. We turn away, cursing him under our breath. We simply cannot imagine a God who would give five rupees when all we desire is one."  "The Divine Commodity"

My husband was a seminar teaching on worship leading a couple of weeks ago. As he was telling me about it one statement stuck in my mind. He said they were told "most of the people sitting in the audience WANT you to SUCCEED."  But speaking from experience that is not always what you feel. You focus on some time from the past that you failed in some way and embarrassed yourself. Or you see that "crabby face" in the audience and you are immediately frightened. 

God wants us to succeed. His Word says He has a plan for us to prosper. This doesn't necessarily refer to money and status but it does refer to our life and all the things that really count. Are you like the little boy, only focused on what you need for the next minute or two rather than looking to God who can care for you for your lifetime?

Changing It Up - From the Outside or Inside?

I'm reading a book (well actually I'm reading several books) that uses the term "consumerism culture".  I've thought about our desire to have more, be more, look a certain way at times. I've had a few discussions but then easily move on and just keep shopping, moving piles of belongings and occasionally sorting things our to sell or share with others.  This book is actually making me think about how consumerism effects us beyond our piles of stuff.  Today I read this "Through the influence of our consumer culture we've come to believe that transformation is attained through external experiences." (Skye Jethani, The Divine Commodity)   That made me think about "changing it up" as I talked about yesterday.  I talked about my knowing that if I keep "doing" the same things the same way I will get the same result.  Each time I start over on something I think this time I'll...but if my thoughts never settle into a commitment, a resolution it just won't happen.  I want the ache in my neck to go away so I go to a chiropractor. He does an adjustment and I want it to be gone, no exercises or applying heat/ice etc, just gone. (and immediate relief would be great, thank you very much)  However, the truth is the only way to get lasting relief is to participate in my own care. I need to stretch my muscles, then strengthen them so that they won't allow my spine to get out of alignment as easily.

The same is true in our spiritual life.  In this day and age there is information at every turn. We want to listen and read what others say about God to fill our own spirits.  We go to church and want to experience some encouragement.  Now don't get me wrong these things are good things and should be a part of our life.  But that's it, they should just be a part of our life.  If I am dependent on my Sunday Morning (or whenever) church time for my main source of nourishment I'm going to be weak before the next Sunday rolls around. When we are weak and tired we make poor decisions and often become sick. But, if I go to church as just one part of my nourishment, say a protein drink, my daily meals will keep me going and Sunday church will give me a boost!  An added benefit too is that we won't be so needy and critical of the church service itself. If it is just supplement to our diet a taste we don't like one week won't send us looking for another place to worship. We will be full enough to sustain until the next time when the flavor might be different.

Consumerism culture, wanting something out of everything.  How has it effected your life?